Discussion continues about the future of Top Gear.

Here are some suggestions I've overheard for a replacement presenter that would maintain the 'spirit' & 'quality' of the original programme:

1. a rusty old exhaust pipe

2. a pile of out of date copies of The Daily Mail, Telegraph, Sun, etc.

3. a presentation-size cheque of the amount the licence payer/taxpayer has paid & will pay out directly or indirectly

4. a life-size cardboard cut-out of the cheeky chappy with ventriloquist dummy-style mouth operated by one of the other two 'boys'

5. several filing cabinets of submitted proposals for interesting new series by innovative upcoming talents that have been declined due to insufficient funds being diverted into 'major earners'

6. a child's pedal car (with lunch box accessory containing crumbs of a beef sandwich) circa 1960

7. a large piece of turf from the Isle of Wight with a sign Trespassers Will Be Prosecuted stuck in it

8. a dusty shelf of VHS tapes containing the Best of Alan Whicker

9. a stretch of cycle lane with FAIR GAME written in large white letters

10. a draft document of the Tory government's policy for the privatisation/dismantling of the BBC

... don't say you weren't warned ...